Remaining Healthy through the Grieving Process

Remaining Healthy through the Grieving Process
© 2025 Health Realizations, Inc.

When dealing with loss, grieving is a natural, necessary emotional process that human beings go through. Though everyone has a different way of dealing with grief, there are some steps that anyone grieving can take to help remain emotionally and physically well.

What is Grief?

Grief is the natural human response to loss. It is a process of feeling the emotional pain associated with a loss and learning to live a normal life beyond the event that triggered the grief. While many people think of the death of a loved one when they think about grief, it can actually be caused by any number of other types of loss as well, such as:

Divorce or the break-up of a relationship

Loss of a job

Death of a pet

Miscarriage

Loss of financial security

Failure to achieve a cherished dream or goal

Loss of the feeling of safety after trauma, crime, or injury

Loss of health of yourself or a loved one

Grief is very common, as it can occur with any loss that impacts us. From a child leaving for college to leaving friends when moving to a new home, any major change in life can result in varying degrees of grief.

What is the Difference between Grief and Mourning?

When we talk about experiencing grief, we are referring to the general steps that a person goes through as they grieve. These are emotional stages, or how we feel and think about the loss. This is different from mourning, though the two ideas are related. Mourning is the outward expression of a loss that someone exhibits to others. While grief is personal in nature, mourning is usually determined by cultural influences, rituals, and beliefs. Though everyone tends to experience grief in similar ways, we will all express our mourning differently because it is often determined by religious beliefs about death and afterlife, societal standards on mourning periods, customs regarding how to express sympathy to the bereaved, and whether or not we believe we can speak about our feelings and our grief.

What is Meant by the Grieving Process?

It's important to understand that grieving is never exactly the same from person to person -- and that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. The same person may very well even experience grief differently from one loss to the next. However, there are some general phases that we tend to experience as we grieve. Identified by psychologist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969, there are generally five widely experienced stages of grief, though they may be experienced in any order -- or even not at all. Further it is not necessary to "complete" each of these stages in order to recover:

Denial - the person denies the event is occurring or just can't admit that the loss has happened. They may also deny that the loss has affected them, or the degree to which it has affected them.

Anger - the person feels anger over the loss or event and want to know why it is happening to them. They may feel that the event is unfair, undeserved, or that they need to blame someone else for the event.

Bargaining - the person may try to eliminate the event or the feelings of grief by attempting to "make a deal" with their "higher power" or with themselves.

Depression - the person experiences deep sadness, apathy, listlessness, or resignation. When this continues for a long period of time, impacts a person's ability to function or care for themselves, or has a negative impact on their relationships with other people, it is important to seek professional help.

Acceptance - the person has come to accept what has occurred, has moved through the significant feelings of grief and has acquired a sense of peace regarding the loss.

Whether or not your grief or that of someone you are supporting resembles these stages, the important thing to remember is that grief is a process that is unique to each individual -- but that with healthy grieving, you, too, will eventually reach a phase of acceptance or relative peace regarding your loss.

When does Grief become Dangerous?

While grieving is a natural process, it can become dangerous to your mental, emotional, and physical health. There have been many studies that show people who are grieving have a higher mortality rate due to the stress, loss of support, and other complications that can occur during this type of extremely challenging emotional time. For instance:

Rates of mortality are higher in the first six months after the loss of a loved one than later, though mortality rates remain higher than average for three years after loss of a spouse

Surviving male spouses are more likely to die from grief-related self-neglect and lack of support than female surviving spouses

Complicated bereavement, or grief that lasts more than a year, results in depression and/or impacts other relationships of the bereaved, is a serious risk factor of grief

The risk of suicide increases after the loss of a loved one, is most likely within a week after the loss, and his higher in surviving male spouses

Higher rates of death occur in younger surviving spouses than older ones

Surviving spouses have a higher rate of death from alcohol-related issues

There is also an increased occurrence of illness and possible death when experiencing grief for two main reasons. First, the stress of grief can put extra strain on your immune system, making illness more likely. This means it is even more important to take good care of your physical well-being when you are grieving.

And second, in many cases, a grieving person will stop taking care of themselves and their physical and medical needs. For example, grief often causes a loss of appetite, so you may not eat well. This can become so severe that you become malnourished or dehydrated, leading to health complications. In other cases, you might have relied on your deceased (or departed) loved one to do the cooking, take care of organizing medical care, or for other important tasks, like paying bills. When you lose that support, you might simply fail to pay your bills, decline to follow up with your doctor on medical treatments, or not take steps to ensure you’re getting the proper nutrition you need.

What are Some Aspects of Healthy Grieving?

To avoid the physical and emotional health risks that can be associated with grief, it's important to know how to help yourself to grieve in a healthy manner. While not everyone will need to take these steps, these are some tips that can help you or someone you love to grieve in as healthy a way as possible:

Acknowledge to yourself what you need in order to help you through this period, whether that be counseling, time off from work, help with your responsibilities, support from your friends and family, or anything else you might need -- and then determine how you can get that support in place for yourself.

Be patient with yourself. Recognize that the grief process is just that -- a process. It will take time for you to move through it, and you cannot force yourself ahead or speed up the time it will take. Never compare your own grief to another person's either -- you needn’t feel that you "should" be sadder or that you "should" be done grieving by now.

Seek help from other people. Find support in friends, family members, support groups, counselors, and, if applicable, your spiritual beliefs and leaders. Seek organizations that provide resources for people grieving. For example, groups that specialize in helping parents who lost a child, surviving spouses, or any other type of loss.

Talk about your grief and your loss. Find ways to express what you are feeling and, in cases of the death of a loved one, to share your memories of that person. Often people are uncomfortable around someone who is grieving, but you have the right to talk about what you are experiencing. If you can't talk to your family or friends, seek out other support from the suggestions listed above.

Take extra care of yourself physically, making sure that you drink plenty of water, eat a balanced diet, get enough sleep and rest, and that you continue taking care of your own medical needs.

How Can I Keep a Loved One's Memory Alive and Still Heal?

People grieving for the loss of a loved one often resist moving through the grief process because they feel that if they heal, they are somehow negating the love they had for the deceased. For example, a surviving spouse may feel that they cannot ever consider marrying again because it would mean that they no longer love their first spouse. Or you may believe that recovering from grief will mean you will forget your loved one. It’s also common to experience feelings of guilt associated with how you are grieving. For example, a surviving spouse who nursed their spouse through a long, painful terminal illness may actually feel some sense of relief at their loved one's passing. Other may feel that they have to pretend they no longer feel grief because they think that others expect them to be through it already, so they don't feel they can talk about their loved one anymore. In any case, you can find ways to remember and celebrate the person you lost without impacting your ability -- and your right -- to heal.

Here are some suggestions for ways of remembering your loved ones that may help you as you move through the grieving process:

Find an object, place, or item that helps you connect to your memories of your loved one. It could be a photograph album, a personal object that belonged to the loved one like a watch or a wedding ring, or even his or her favorite park bench. Use what you've chosen as a way of feeling closer to the deceased and reconnecting to your memories of them when you need to.

Create rituals that help you remember your loved one's memory. These could be simple, private actions like lighting a candle, or more public actions like making a regular donation to a cause that your loved one supported.

Make a plan for your anniversary or the deceased's birthday or other important dates that you used to celebrate together. Let your own feelings dictate what the plan should be -- you could throw a small dinner party with family and friends to talk about your happy memories of the deceased, or simply plan to take that day off from work and spend it alone, visiting places that you both enjoyed together.

No matter what your own situation, there are many ways that you can remember the relationship you had with your loved one so that you can both celebrate and honor them while continuing to enjoy your life and your relationships with those that are still living. In fact, those of us grieving may forget that our deceased loved ones would actually want for us to continue living a life full of loving, caring relationships.

In recovering from loss, we learn how precious life actually is, making it even more important for us to engage fully in relationships with the people that are important to us.

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Sources

Harvard: 5 stages of grief: Coping with the loss of a loved one

Grief Awareness Day 2025: Things to Know About Grief

Bereavement news for people living with grief

Grief and Loss: The Process of Healing

The Stages of Grief: How to Understand Your Feelings

Dealing with Grief: How Time Influences the Healing Process

Grief vs. Mourning: How are They Different? | Coping With Loss

Grief And Bereavement | How Long Is The Grieving Process?

WebMD: Grieving and Stages of Grief

How does grief affect your body?